Originally I planned to do this on aliens...but after quickly running out of witty things that weren't completely cliche, I decided to write about something different. As such, I've chosen to do this on the "internets"...not to be confused with the more commonly known "internet" that so many of you are familiar with. I'm confident that whatever crap I can come up with for this will manage to be more entertaining than the generic alien thing.
1. It's pretty freaking insane in this place, m i rite? Dis guy here is all wit teh thing and the place? WTF? Sup?
I get on the internets. There is a yellowshirted man with a large orange afro in ASCII format decapitated in front of me wearing a pair of shoes for no reason. It doesn't make sense at all yet I laugh at it. A barrage of owls question me with never ending statements, none of which manage to be in any form of recognizable English. Pictures of potential fellow female internets goers are on high demand despite the well known fact that no females exist on the internets: they're all either FBI agents or lonely virgin men over the age of 40 living in their parent's basement. Confusion ensues as drama levels increase and pictures of people who never change facial expressions flash in front of me in rapid succession.
2. The basic Internets comes with the following accessories: keyboard, computer screen, computer; a complete lack of moral standards, taste, and sanity; trolls, people capable of typing a complete sentence without using a single letter, walls of text, jinjo, LUEshi, fanboyism, the intellectualwhores website, atheism, enough questionable subject matter to cause the average person's brain to implode, fads, manditory people to hate (ie. furries, attention whores, people incapable of writing a complete sentence in common English let alone understanding the English language in general, males that think they were meant to be born female but just weren't due to some cruel trick played on them by God, authority figures, emos, narcs, Tom Cruise, ect...), Brian Peppers, South Park, Retarded Animal Babies, Strong Bad, Sean Connery, Captain Jean-Luc Picard of the USS Enterprise, William Shatner, KHAAAAAAAAAAAAN, SLC, the unholy trinity, O RLY? owl (RIP Jonathon), YA RLY owl, NO WAI R U SRIOUS!?!? owl, various other owls, anime, truly offensive jokes that know no limits, Habbo Hotel, disturbing stories about various subjects, LlamaGuy, Yellowshirt, invasions, ninjas, pirates, ninja pirates, Vin Diesel, Chuck Norris, Will Smith, LAG, PICS NOW, NWS and NLS warnings, NWS and NLS content, THE DESTRUCTION OF EBAUMSWORLD, YTMND, Bill Cosby, barrell rolls, the summoning of Captain Planet, complaining, poor relationship advice, Leeroy Jenkins, Price Is Right sound of failure, obscure metal bands, CAPS LOCK FRIDAY, boxes, the Cookie bitch, tree.
3. The Internets is made of totally awesonomical metallic subterranian walrus blubber carefully coated with a gigantic lemon tart made in England; because American lemon tarts are simply inferior since England was the first to do everything including speak a language, wipe their asses with trees, and have belligerent retards that wear "hip" clothing; surrounded by a plentiful layer of disaster and doom with a side of JELLO pudding snacks.
4. He said, hey guyz wats goin on in dis topik?
She said, if I, like, ever, like, see you, like, on this, like, internets, like, place again, I'm going to, like, totally, like, never speak to you, like, again, like, ok?
He said, LOL NO U!
She said, I'm, like, so totally, like, sick of this. I'm, like, leaving.
She then fell over her own ego, died, and faced the judgement of the all-mighty LUEshi. A single tear was shed as LUEshi looked down at the humbled female that had forsaken his name in the most horrible of ways. LUEshi wondered whether she was prepared to repent for her misdeeds or if she were to be forever damned to the mailbox down the street where Brian Peppers lives. The girl looks up at LUEshi and is blinded by his utter magnificance. Her eyes only begin to focus when she is ordered to bow back down before LUEshi to be judged. LUEshi squints at the feeble woman, lifts her in the air, and begins to devour her body. He chews her slowly to savor every part of her patheticness before spitting her back out. "Down the road to the mailbox for you it is" commands LUEshi in words so loud that the girl explodes.
He said, I'm not reading all of that shit.
5. The Internets has many uses. None of them can be told.
6. George W. Bush once said that "there are rumors on the internets", it is believed that this was a sign of the Apocolypse. Being as the world still exists, apparently the end of the world is still yet to come, but I'm certain that as of Januray 22, 2037 the world will end. I did a whole lot of deep thinking and math to come to that conclusion so it must be true.
7. Each Internets contains a giant number of morons. Annoying. Entertaining. Generally in great supply. Disposable.
Each of these morons are unaware that there is a world outside of their own mind. Differing opinions do not exist in their world, neither does logic. Often times common sense is abandoned for a radical stance on an issue only important to themselves. These morons are typically known as trolls. Feeding the trolls by encouraging them to continue through the art of argument is not recommended.
The internet is almost completely different from the previously described internets. Females run rampant on myspace, people constantly praise God for every random thing that occurs in their life, and a general sense of canned bliss reigns. However, the English language is still butchered beyond recognition through the use of the popular and trendy AIM. AIM, the only known piece of shit messenger to have an ad for ITSELF on it.
